Understanding.

My jaw dropped when I received this, because it meant I was talking to someone that ACTUALLY gets it.

I was going through my drawer at work and found an old picture of a girl I once knew.  It makes me sad, yet I still keep it because I’m a sucker for punishment.  One day I told her I cared about her and she asked “Why?”

My answer to that question will always be “Why not?”  And though I did care about her, I don’t think she ever believed me.

Everyone wants that best kind of love, from someone…anyone. But we’re not willing to sacrafice the comfort of our own bitterness.  Everyone has the same sob story:

“I had crappy parents growing up.”

“Everyone that comes into my life just ends up leaving me.”

“Every guy/girl I’ve been with has broken my heart.”

“I hate the world and everyone in it.”

“People just let you down, so there’s no reason to trust anyone.”

 

…blah, blah, blah.  Playing dumb and diving in heart first isn’t about anyone else, it’s always about you.  It’s extremely difficult when everyone around you is wearing their jaded face, but no one is capable of fighting for your happiness as hard as you are.

I look forward to that day when I can tell someone I care for them and they genuinely believe me, because they realize those are more than just words.

Starting All Over…*AGAIN*

What is my damage?

“My damage man?!?! It’s YOUUUU GAVIN!!”

Ooops, random Degrassi reference.  99 percent of my blogging these days involves Degrassi, so I figured I might as well get back to some non degrassi-related blogging.  This blog has been around for years, but I’ve gone through phases of blogging, abandoning, returning, deleting content and starting over. 

This blog is such a slut.

The theme this time around is my social awkwardness and general life ramblings, so I should never run out of ideas. 

So what is social awkwardness? It’s….

…not answering the phone, or taking days to return a phone call.  I don’t want to get “trapped” into a conversation with someone on the phone when I’ve got stuff to do!

…walking the long way in the office parking lot to avoid conversation while coming into or leaving work.  I’m just trying to get in and get to work man. When I get to work I’m ready to work.  When I’m ready to leave, it’s time to go…no time for chatting!

…taking forever to get the nerve to talk to people on social networking sites.  Oh they’re busy, even though their status says “I’m so bored out of my mind, please talk to me.” I don’t believe that they really have time to talk to me.

…spending nights at home watching tv or sewing, because you’re too nervous to ask your own friends to hang out.  People have their own lives to live. Why would they want to hang out? Besides, everyone knows I’m the boring friend.

…talking to a girl. What in the world do I say?  How do you even start? I have to say something to impress her or she’s gonna think I’m a creeper and be mean to me.

…being closer than arm’s length to a girl and nearly passing out. Oh my God I’m shaking.  My heart is pounding through my chest and I don’t know why. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m scared.

…not speaking up to say that witty line that just popped in your head.  Yes it would’ve been funny….5 minutes ago. That’s how long it took me to come up with it. God I suck at conversation.

…blogging about your social awkwardness.  I’d talk about it in person, but I’m too nervous to say anything…HELLOOO! Socially awkward? Ouch.